As promised, I prepared you a "Tolerations Playsheet".
And she is deceptively simple.
Because science confirms that the head and heart and hand are intricately connected, and it is hugely important to journal...to write things down. One powerful thought: you cannot write something down, while thinking about something else.
To journal, write, or otherwise document with your own hand what your thoughts are, requires that you begin to process your life on a deep level. Try it. Trust me.
To get your own PDF file that you can print, pour yourself a cup of coffee, and sit down in a quiet place with, simply email me with the word "Playsheet" in the subject line, and include your email address. I will send your very own coaching playsheet, at no charge. Yours will look
Now, onto the coaching...
Here are your instructions:
~ Identify your top three tolerations. Make sure that if you are living with a huge toleration (explanation here) that you are completely honest with yourself, and list that at the very top. Then, simply identify two more...the two that bother you the most. You are writing these "top three" down in order to bring them into your conscious awareness...you are "putting them on your radar screen" so to speak. They may actually be SO huge that you will not be able to address them quickly or easily. That is okay. You will be surprised how much your mind and heart will begin to search for wisdom and solutions, all on their own, simply by observing fact and calling it what it is: a toleration.
~Next, list three tolerations that will cost you nothing to address. This is for the "quick win"...and trust me, you need and want a quick win, because the first and last lists are going to kick your butt. You will eliminate these tolerations within the week.
~Last, identify three tolerations that by nature mean that you will have to initiate a conversation with someone you live with...not one of your friends. These last three "requiring a conversation" tolerances may be much the same as your first three (the three that must stop "NOW"). Or, your tolerances that require a conversation may be completely different from your three biggest ones listed at the top of your playsheet.
It's your life, it is your time to think and be compassionately honest with yourself. (I don't believe in being brutally honest with yourself - but that is another coaching moment for another day...)
Fact is, many of our tolerations DO involve family members. Friends? Not so much. Most of us don't live with friends - unless you are single and sharing a space with room mates. If so, think of them as family. Something about them may qualify as an unnecessary tolerance that "requires a conversation". Otherwise, with friends, I recommend patience, unless the behavior of a friend is crossing important boundaries.
But those we live with, family or otherwise, can present us with challenges that we sometimes learn to tolerate. Notice I did not say "challenges that we choose to be patient with"...that is different. No, I am talking about things we are tolerating that we should not be tolerating - both for our own sake, and the other person's sake. It blesses no one when one person is tolerating another person.
Think with me: is there someone in your everyday life, whose behavior has caused you to come up with elaborate coping mechanisms? You may really have to print your sheet out and take time to ponder, because this is a "live" one - as they say in the coaching industry.
Why? Because often our coping strategies become so engrained, we don't even notice them anymore. For example: an adult, unemployed child comes home, obviously in a bad mood, and you automatically begin either trying to deflect his mood, or isolate yourself elsewhere in your own house, or eat a whole pan of brownies. (That may or may not be autobiographical in nature...)
Girlfriend, it is time for a conversation.
We all have a few tolerances that require a calm, well-thought-out conversation with a family member who we love dearly. I promise you are not the only one. You must: 1. think through what you need to say, and 2. schedule these conversations, also within one week.
The only rule for that last list: that you request no more than fifteen minutes of anyone's time, to discuss the issue. Word of counsel: the more emotional the subject, the more public your discussion needs to be. For example, if you are addressing an emotionally touchy topic, you carefully plan what needs to be said, you request 15 minutes of the loved one's time at a coffee shop, and you lovingly, peacefully speak your peace, and then get feedback. This keeps both of you on task, as neutral as possible, on target, and taking no unnecessary emotional side roads.
You are guaranteed to at least be well on your way to a breakthrough in 15 minutes flat, if not experiencing full-on breakthrough in 15 minutes. It can be done, and in fact is done all the time.
Again, if you'd like a playsheet that you can sit down with, think, sip coffee, and have a "come to Jesus meeting" with yourself, just email me with the word "Playsheet" in the subject line, and include your email address, so I can send you the PDF I developed.
